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Seeing lots of rainbow coloured facebook profiles...My response to it may shock you


                     
  (Dad & I at my Wedding 2011)

Rainbow facebook profiles are popping up everywhere to represent equal rights in marriage. My response I get from seeing this may surprise you............

Now I want to let you know I not writing this to say my opinion on gay rights and marriage I am writing this more for me to let go of a secret i have held onto for 22 years.

I grew up in an era where being Gay was not publicised and having a BFF who is gay was definitely not trendy. For as long as i can remember my parents were never together and i held onto this big heavy secret that my Father was gay. It wasn't secret in our family and my parents never told us not to speak of it, but it was something i was never comfortable about bringing up and talking about. I had feelings of shame, embarrassment and being different. As a kid i did not know how to process those feelings and held it all in. I never want to draw any attention to myself or my brother ( who had a harder time dealing with it than me) regarding this.

I thought i had come to terms with it until my Dad his wedding in Bali a couple of years back. I had my kids there so i was feeling protective, as i never want them to go through the same thing I did. At the wedding I felt everyone's eyes/energy on me and my brother to see how we would react. I could feel people analyzing "how could he have kids he is gay". It was an awkward situation at the time and looking back now I shouldn't care what people think and just had fun but as a result I realised I needed to grow more and not worry what people thought.

You may not understand the heaviness and pain that holding onto a secret can have on your body and soul. For me to be fearless and my true authentic whole self i have to embrace the experiences i have had in my life ,learn from it and let go. 

Would love to hear in the comments if you have been through a similar experience?

Love & Light

Nicole


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